Sleep Studies

Okay, first let me say that sleep studies are NOT conducive to actually being able to sleep. Just so you know if you ever need to go have one done.

I wore my pajamas straight to the study, as it was only 1 mile from my house and I didn't want to have to change there again. When they say loose-fitting, they mean it, because you have to drop sensors down your pant leg to be taped to your lower calves, and up under your shirt to be taped to your back. They scrub your head in 9 spots with some very gritty stuff - I thought I'd have bald patches, but he assured me that was not the case - I'd have throttled the little twerp if there had been any. Then they put this goop/paste on all those spots, and stick the sensors down with medical tape.

Speaking of little twerps, this is a small lab - I get in there, and there is one lab tech - that's it - nobody else in the building and he's a 23 year old squirrel hunting goofball (No offense to squirrel hunters out there, but he happened to tell me in his constant chatter that he likes hunting squirrels) - guess it takes one to know one, because he was pretty squirrely.

Once I've got wires protruding from my scalp, chest, back. legs, and stupid things stuck in my nostrils and tucked behind my ears, as well as a mini microphone also stuck up my dang nostrils, he has the nerve when testing to tell me to breathe through my nose? HOW THE BLOODY HELL am I supposed to do that when I have stuff blocking both nostrils, eh?? OY. I hope I got boogies on it and he had to clean it off.

So, I'm trussed up like a christmas turkey, and then he tells me he has to do some tests, and to lay on my back and listen. He intercoms and tells me to look up, down, right, left, breathe through my nose (again, are they really this goofy?), through my mouth, say ah three times, twirl around and bow (that last one isn't true, but it should have been), and then after all that, says, "Okay, you can go to sleep now."

Riiiight. He proceeds then from the next room to bang around and thump around and I toss and turn and just begin to get sleepy and dose off when...I have to pee. arrrrgh!

So, he has to unhook me from the machines, but I get to take all of the lovely corded decoration with me to the bathroom. Then, I get situated back in bed around 12:30 a.m. and he proceeds from the next room to phone one of his friends - his voice drones on and on, and I finally say, "Look, are you going to talk much longer, because I can't sleep." He apologizes (apparently either the people before me have been deaf or just didn't want to say anything about it). His voice goes quiet, so I finally drift in and out of sleep for four more hours, at which time I hear (which makes me jump), "Okay, the sleep study is over." You know, a "good morning" would have been nice at 5:30 a.m.

I have to do all the little eye rolls and ah's again, then he comes in and begins peeling the sensors off - pulling them out of my hair (I said, "OW, GENTLY!" a couple of times when I thought he was going to pull my hair out by the roots). What does this job of his require, just 1 month in tech school or something? He's a nice kid, but dang, dude.

Then, after that, I realize, "Crap, I forgot to tell him I had a sensitivity to silicone and some other polymers." I asked him if there was any silicone in the gels he'd used on me or in the tape - yep. Grrreeeaaat. It's a good thing I'm not getting a lapband, because I can only imagine what silicone would do to my insides, as on the outside I now have two inch round red marks where the tape and sensors were stuck on my face and forehead, and everywhere else. I look like the muppet manamanas gave me hickeys:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRxrqrNQY3s

My friends at work are saying, "Awww" and then giggling - just can't help it - they are pretty amusing

apparently a doctor will look at the results (thank goodness it isn't the kid doing it) and I should hear in a few days.