Am I getting Weight Loss Surgery for Selfish Reasons?

You BET I am.

Recently, there was a discussion on the forums of my favorite Weight Loss Surgery site, Bariatric TV, sparked by an absolutely lovely woman named Yvonne posting her Before and After pictures. She was apologetic at first about posting an after picture that is very sexy. Apparently, she has been vilified in the past for the sexy pictures and sexy clothes, as if it is somehow wrong to want to be beautiful as well as healthy.

We who have chosen the Weight Loss Surgery route might feel as if we're caught between several opinions, all of them telling us that we might have a weakness for getting WLS. But even within the WLS community, there is sniping and snarkiness about WHY we might choose WLS. On the one hand, you have great, positive people like Mo'Nique, who encourage people who are obese to work toward health, but also embrace their fuller figures and be positive about their beauty just the way they are. Mo'Nique has great attitudes, but often those who agree with her can go to the point that if you don't embrace yourself as-is, you are too insecure.

On the other end are the people in support of Weight Loss Surgery for health reasons. This is wonderful. But often, we are made to feel even within the WLS community as if we are wrong, or vain, or selfish for wanting to be sexy as well as healthy.

Well, brace yourselves, because I'm not afraid at all to say that I want WLS for my health, yes, but also because I want to feel attractive. I want to look in the mirror and not feel like crying, or to catch my reflection in a window and think, Damn, I look good! I'm tired of catching my reflection and thinking, "who is that fat woman?" and realizing it's ME. I don't feel the size I am, so it still catches me off guard when I see myself full length.

I want the surgery because I want the second half of my life to be more rewarding than the first. Yes, for health. I want to be able to hike without feeling like my lungs will explode. But I also want to be able to wear a swimsuit without feeling like Orca, or like Omar the Tentmaker made my clothes. I want men to feel like whistling when I pass by.

WARNING, SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON'T WANT SEXUAL CONTENT: I want to (here it comes) be more appealing sexually, AND be more acrobatic at sex. I want to be more unrestrained in the bedroom, and not be constantly thinking about things like, "If I'm on top, will I squish him, or smother him with my ponderous boobs? Is gravity doing horrible things to my face?"

Health is an issue. But my quality of life depends on more than good physical health. It also depends on feeling good about how I look, and having MEN feel good about how I look. The men I'm attracted to. Because when I'm out with friends now, the men who DO hit on me on rare occasions when they do, tend toward the creepy, or the guys who say things like "Hey baby, I like thick girls." That is all well and good, dude, but I don't want to remain a "thick" girl, not to mention that the line itself isn't a great opener.

I'm not saying I haven't had any good relationships - oh wait, yes I AM saying that. I have NEVER been loved as much as I have loved. From the 21 year marriage to an emotionally stunted man who turned out to be gay, to the young widower who wanted to have a "relationship" but didn't want anyone in his life to know I existed, to the "friend with benefits" that lasted for over a year (we ended it a few months ago, because on my end, it was wearing on my confidence and self-esteem to feel that once again I just wasn't "good enough" to be known - nope, this was not all his fault, but it felt that way anyhow).

Weight Loss Surgery, of course, is not the end all and be-all for finding someone to love me - but damn it, it will help, if anything in my feeling much more confident and therefore drawing more positive attention from a different type of man. One that wants to indroduce me to his friends and family, and is proud to have me as his girlfriend. Of course there are men who would be if I were just this size I am now. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't think it would make a big difference in my dating pool to be fit and trim.

Yes, I'm passionate about this. I'm TIRED of people trying to say that it is vanity to want to look good. We're not Narcissus staring at ourselves constantly and talking of how beautiful we are. We are simply human, decent people who DESERVE to look like we FEEL on the inside. I can't wait to take those sexy pictures of myself, like Yvonne, or finally to wear that little black dress (emphasis on little).

And I'm not ashamed. Take that, all you "health only" purists ;)